There is a hidden wisdom that children have: they have an accurate understanding of their place in the world, they know the limits of their knowledge and that there are a lot of things to feel confused, upset, and distressed about. They understand that they are in essence at the mercy of an extremely unpredictable world, that their control is very limited and, that much of what’s going on around them happens without their input. So, everyone now and then, without guilt or shame, they will burst into tears.

Yet, as we get older, this wisdom is lost. We learn that maturity in essence is being invulnerable. The image of a competent adult becomes that of unwavering strength and being in control of whatever life throws at us. We learn that the most repulsive thing we can be and therefore should avoid at all costs is, being a cry-baby.

This advice of course should come with a huge ‘Danger Ahead!’ sign. Understanding that we can no longer cope is an essential part of true emotional endurance. There is no bravery without moments of losing courage. We should strive to be adults who are familiar with and often remember their vulnerability, that is, cry-babies. Because if we don’t learn to bend, we are at risk of one day snapping.

So, when the urge to cry arrives, the grown-up thing to do is to give in as we would have when were two or three. We tend to think that our tears our reserved for moments of true catastrophe, but in doing this we forget how impactful ‘small things’ can be. We forget how much energy we exhaust fending off tears, when we need to be giving in. We should instead find a quiet space, perhaps with a blanket over our heads and give way completely to the hardship of it all. No thought should be out of bounds: we don’t have the means to do what we really want, the people we love constantly disappoint us, we don’t have the friendships we want, we hate our jobs, life hasn’t been easy for us. If this is to truly work, we should reach every rock bottom and make it our home.

Then, when all is done, a thought will enter our minds to argue for the other side: there is a way get what we really want, the people we love are often kind to us, that one person is always there for us, we had fun at work that time, life has been quite pleasant and beautiful. And from here we will know that the storm has passed.

The world unjustly constantly demands us to have unwavering strength in the face of terror. But what we need to embrace is a full life, one that mixes strength with a lot of sobbing.

We might be grown up now with more responsibility, perhaps a fancy apartment, and a fancy job title, but within us remain the needs of childhood. We crave to be held, reassured, a kiss on the forehead, a look of tenderness, to be physically protected just like how a loving caregiver would have decades ago. Instead, we feel as though to be in need comes at a risk of losing our competence as adults.

What we forget is that, to understand and accept our childlike longings is in fact an essential part of the authentic mature adult experience. To be a well-adjusted grown-up, we should always make space to reconnect with our most infantile desire: sobbing like a distressed child.